To Alli I am OFFICIALLY the Meanest Mom in The World!
I am quite humbled by this honor. I have worked quite hard to achieve such a high status. I try and make her follow the rules, I make her clean up her toys, I have punishments for her if she doesn't follow the rules, I make her go to bed on time, and I make her pick up her dirty laundry.
I am MEAN!
(I hear applause in the background.... bow... bow...)
So this is why I am "The Meanest Mom in The World" (and yes, that is quoted from Alli herself). Alli has gotten in the habit of the nasty 5 letter word.... LYING.
It's driving me nuts. She lies about the big stuff (such as why her sister is crying) and the small stuff (Did you throw that paper away?). I know this is a stage that most 6 year olds go through, but it's driving me to my brink. I might have to ship her off to boarding school earlier that I had previously thought.
In our house our two main rules are:
#1. Ask before you use someone else's stuff
#2 Tell the Truth.
Alli seems to be breaking both of these rules lately. A lot.
Confession time: Chip and I are believers in spanking. Seriously... some Smart Alec kids needs a good "Whap" on their bums to get their attitude in check and realize who is the boss. My kids know the punishment for their 'crimes against the family', and have a fear of the wooden spoon. (Well, Maggie is still getting the hand, as she is to young for the spoon). We don't abuse our children. But our kids usually know their place. We talk to the kids before and after the spank and they know exactly why they are getting spanked.
A few weeks ago we had a wonderful opportunity to hear one of the Apostles talk in a special Stake Conference in our church building. It was a wonderful and spiritual experience. I just love Russel M. Nelson! The point of me telling you that he came was that in one part of his talk that he gave us, he said and I quote:
"There is NO place for whipping your children in the Lord's church. Love your children. Teach them gently and doctrinally."
Chip and I are trying really hard to implement this into our parenting skills. When an Apostle of the Lord tells you to do something, you simply follow the council.
I have learned that Spanking my kids is second nature for me. If my kids step out of line I reach to give them a swat. I literally have to stop mid-air. It's a bit ridiculous. I am really going to have to work hard to break this habit in my parenting.
So now that we can't spank as punishment, we are reverting to other things.
(which has little effect on our kids)
Nose in a corner
Time out
Stern talkin' to
No Dessert
Take away favorite object(s)
For Lying I have decided that soap in the mouth is the best solution (that I could think of in my frazzled state).
My logic is this: Lying is bad and ugly, so your mouth should taste bad after a lie comes out. It seems to have been working .... but now it just doesn't have the oomph anymore that it used to. Don't get me wrong, Alli still hates it.
She just seems not to be learning from it.
I am out of ideas.
Any of you parent's have things that your kids hate and learned from?
(More importantly: Anyone know a good punishment of lying that works?)
I have a strong desire to become the Meanest Mom in The World, and would hate to fall off the bandwagon because I can't think of a suitable punishment that doesn't involve blistering my child's rear end.
10 comments:
Syd isn't much of a liar. But Lily is starting out strong at the ripe old age of four! I have no advice, but would like to know what works when you figure it out. ;)
Yeah- I'm totally at a loss for ya, lady. ;D
We did spanking for about a month. Well, we threatened spanking for that long- and then we actually spanked her about three or four times. Then we realized that we had just escalated not only the punishment, but the bad behavior. (She was waking up in the middle of the night and throwing tantrums- so time-out was kind of like a reward at that point- and we really wanted to quiet her before she woke the twins.) Anyway. We gave up the spanks, and tried to make sure she was getting enough cuddles before bedtime, enough praise during the day. It got us out of that phase.
I'm not saying we consistently give her enough good attention now- but I do believe that the more effort we put into the good stuff, the less she acts up.
I don't know if this is just true for Mia, but I think we as parents are not as outwardly affectionate as we feel inside- and kids don't pick up on our little "I love you" queues. They need more than we think. (I'm especially talking to myself, this is what I kick myself in the head with at the end of every busy day.)
We are nose in the corner kind of people. It seems to work really well for us. Jenna is actually going through an "honest" stage. She has to tell us the truth about every little detail. :) I am sure that will change.
Shall I say you are screwed?!! There is a time and place for all punishments...I got soap in the mouth for lying(yeah it tasted nasty but I still did it)..With my girls the punishment phase is more of how long do we(being jason and I suffer) because the girls are unphased by it. I grew up being spanked(and a list of other things we will not go into) so I am not a huge fan of spanking but believe it should be done with necessary(For those who do not spank please raise my children and see why I do what I do). Your Alli is much like my Zoe they know that eventually the "punishment" will be over and just wait for it to be done and go about their day to day. I think we should start a reformatory..We can rent out a house that we send them to for punishment blank walls blank furniture nothing can be taken from them or given to them...what do you think?! You and Chip also like to keep your girls well informed of the outside society view of things that they do in the sense of when Alli bit someone you showed her pictures of bites and things like that... what if you took her to visit a prison or something and explain that some people have gone there for lying...i dunno just some ideas!!
I remember being guilt tripped. And if I did something bad or mean, Mom did it back to me. It made me stop doing some things...
Yeah is there any fair spankings for teenagers? My teenager is due for some good spankings but it rarely affects her anyways. I was given advice that postive reinforcement is the best option for bad behavior. I know that sounds odd, but you would be surprised at what kids will do to get a cell phone these days....
Yeah, I think I agree with Summer on this one. I notice that when Grace acts up the most is when I haven't given her as much attention as she might need that day. This definatly applies when we have those super busy days and we just can't give them what they need. I try really hard these days to validate Gracie's feelings and try really hard to give her some time for just her and I. It seems to be working. Now Lizzie is a whole different ball game and I don't think this will apply to her when she reaches that age. She is such a stinker that I know I'll have my hands full. I also liked Michelle's idea of taking her or showing her a prisen and reminding her of what could happen when lying esculates. Other then that I think we can all agree that parenthood is a guessing game, so your guess is as good as mine! Love ya and I hope it gets better.
Stephen thinks I'm the meanest mom in the world, too. He even taught Emily to say "bad mom".
We should start a club.
I think the definition of whipping and spanking are two totally different meanings. Since you quoted directly from the mans' mouth --i would seek further clarification-
-The BIGGEST thing with punishment is that you never do it with ANGER as motivation--You punish because you have misbehaved and now I am required to REDIRECT that bad behavior---You are only the meanest mom because Alli "ASKS" you to take action---Without HER action there is no REACTION from you ---
Do everything in your life with intent. Living with meaning rather than on impulse.
And teach your children that--everything you do, say, eat,--everywhere you go --
We are going to the store to buy food--we are eating food to nourish our body and keep us healthy --we are sleeping to care for our body and so we can grow properly --We tell the truth so people will trust us--We go to the museum to feed our brains and make our hearts happy --you get the point---SO we are going to disipline you to stop your bad behavior and help you understand it is important to make good choices.
We spank our kids after telling them--You are being spanked because of ..., In the future it would be wise to not do ... cause another spanking will follow.
Our tricky thing is now with Lliam --who is as tall as me now--Spanking is futile and just hurts my hand--So we have incorporated Push ups and manual labor to redirect--Also as necessary--which isn't that often--we have a paddle --one wack and he's on the right path--but again it's never in anger..
Okay so that's it--I am stepping off my soap box!! Let me know--
hee hee
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