Started with a picture

Late at night when my mind can't rest, sometimes I like to look back through old posts on Facebook and on my blog. I like to see where I was, and how far I have come from those experiences.

last night was no different.

my body was all like "dude, would you just close your eyes and sleep- we're sick!" But my brain was saying"just one more binge episode of Grey's Anatomy won't hurt.... April's wedding is the next episode!"  And "I know, let's rehash every foot in your mouth moment you've ever had! It'll be fun!" And "let's just look though some old pictures on FB".... So I ended up doing all three things my brain wanted to do.

stupid brain wins every time.

As I was looking at old pictures I was reading the comments under them. I would chuckle at each one (I love my sarcastic friends)- and then one hit me full force and knocked the wind out of me. It was a picture from a few years back and two people commented on them that are no longer my friends. One I am thankful is out of my life soo much drama and weird self-righteous ways of thinking- the other one still makes me ache to think of the friendship lost. Neither friendship was ended my by choosing- I remember posting a blog post a few years ago about not being the one to ever end the friendship.

the one friend that left me first, I didn't realize how down she always made me. I was just craving a new acceptance and went with it. In the end she called me the worst judge mental person in the world because I am not a feminist (in the extreme sense... I am all about equal rights- but I am not about challenging church stances and going against the prophet..... Which obviously makes me the worst person ever)  the first month or two she left my life I was sad... And then I just felt free.  Free from her constant stances, free from judgement, and free  from guilt.

the second friendship still haunts me. It was a long, deep friendship... One of those friendships where you are more like sisters than friends. I have tried reconciling a few times- let her know I'm here. I miss her. I am thinking of her.....  And I don't know what keeps her away. I don't keep grudges. I never have. I internalize it, I think about it, I fume over it, and then I am done.   I still reach for the phone to call her when something just needs to be said really quick- a funny, a frustration, a what-in-the-heck, etc.... But I am afraid she won't answer. So I put the phone down, and feel sad all over again.

last night looking at that one picture from a few years ago brought up so many memories. I don't think I was ready to deal with them. It made me lonely again.

anyway, those are just my thoughts for the day.

cherish friendships.  You never know when they will go away.

There are some perks

Last night around 10pm, I totally lost my voice and swallowing my saliva felt like swallowing a large bouncy ball that was covered in sharp tacks. It was super awesome.

Maggie coughed the cough of a thousand smokers all night....

We both stayed home from church today.

one of the perks of living above my parents is that my mom totally took care of the kids all day. She brought them to and from church. She fed them. She made cookies with them. They watched the labyrinth together. And what did I do? Slept.

it was awesome.

Maggie laid on the couch and watched Barbie movies. It has been so long since those things have come out. Ever since Alli decided she was too cool for the Barbie movies, Maggie hasn't watched them. I hate this stage of  a rainbow loving girlie girl trying to emulate a total preteen tomboy.

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you wanna know what freaks me out? Those stupid people posting on FB pictures of Buddy the elf with things like "Only 8 Friday's until Christmas".

since we Moved  I am completely off of my game.

normally I would have SOME of Christmas done, or at the very least, I would have my master list written. So tonight I spent a few hours on pinterest and made my Christmas master list.

I am having a hard time with this Christmas. 1) I am not really in the 'spirit'. 2) I discovered this year that the majority of the gifts I had spent hours making and lots of money and thought put into it had been tossed to the side by the people I gave them to. So here's my problem..... I like making homemade thoughtful gifts..... But why put in the effort when the people you give them to don't care?   It just deflates Christmas for me.  Maybe everyone will get a $5 subway gift card this year. At least they can get a cookie.... And I won't waste hours of my life.

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3 gallons of Halloween candy this year.

wanna know what we didn't get anything of? Butterfingers and Reece's peanut butter cups. Weird.

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Until next time-

This and that

Today I am thankful for tender mercies.

Chip's tooth has been hurting for a week or two now. This morning his gums hurt so badly that he couldn't swallow water without pain. I made an appointment with a local dentist. Long story short- Chip was so afraid that after not going to the dentist in 13 years, he would need some major surgery.  But due to answers to our prayers, Chip did not have a single cavity- no need for major surgery- just some swollen gums, probably from aggressive flossing.
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Tomorrow Scott and Ian leave for home.  When I told Miles tonight, he started crying.  It will be pretty darn sad. We have really enjoyed them the past 2 weeks. I love having dinners all together, laughing over stupid stuff, and just spending time together. I love how Maggie has become completely smitten with Ian. She has become another little mother for him- and he soaks it up... Especially when Miles and Dexter start getting out of control.

I know the separation was probably super hard for Leah, but we are ever grateful she let us have two of her guys for a bit.
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Tomorrow is Halloween.

let's be honest here. There are two great treasures you can score white trick-or-treatin(well, besides cash and full size bars- those are just obvious choices)
1) Snickers. Why are those fun sized candy bars so darn amazing? Is it the caramel? Peanuts?  Perhaps it is the amazing combination of the whole thing. Whatever it is, I am smitten.
2) those puffy red Twizzlers that come only in the Halloween Twizzler mix bag.  They are NOT the hard solid ones that come 3 to the tiny bag.... It is the hollow puffy ones with fluffy spiral swirl of Twizzler goodness that has 2 to the tiny bag. They are the bomb-diggity, for sure.

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Until next time-

Shimmery lights

Tonight as all the kids are slumbering in their beds, I am snuggled up in a cozy recliner- and spoiler alert- cozy recliner has a heat AND massaging option (back and bottom options to boot!).  I can feel the gentle warmth coming from the fireplace- today was the first time we lit it. Fireplace heat smells delightful.... I want to roast some marshmallows- and I don't even like eating marshmallows.

as I gaze outside it is pitch black- all except a few shimmering lights off in the distance of houses that I am sure, the people are also snuggling up in. The wind is whipping all around the house, and I have to wonder just how long the power will stay on for tonight. We hear it goes off frequently when the wind picks up.... But so far, so good.

Early early this morning, before the moon even realized the night was coming to an end, Nunnums left back for SLC- and in a few days will catch a plane home to PA.  The kids were so sad she left. It is always wonderful to have grandmothers around. Nunnums seems to have the extra bit of energy and patience for the kiddos that I just can't even pretend to have right now. It was a wonderful reprieve for all of us.

Tonight when we were sitting down at the table- Scott, Ian, Grammy, papa, and the six of us- I just thought how blessed we really are. It was so fun to talk and banter around the table. I wish that Leah, Rylan, and Maddy were able to be here too.... It would just make things so perfect. Someday I hope family gatherings won't be so infrequent......  But right now I will take whatever moments in time I get.

my Ohio family has been on my mind a lot today. Today I headed to a luncheon for a lady in our ward's birthday. As I sat in the middle of some lovely ladies- all of whom were having a ball with one another, all I could think of was how I didn't know them. I wasn't apart of their history or their inside jokes. I didn't know their heartaches or trials. I didn't know their triumphs or joys..... And it just made me long for all of my Ohio family. My sisters. My inspirations. The ladies who would bring me a diet coke or some treats on my bad days-  my sisters who were there when each of my babies were born- or other milestones we had in our lives....   It is really hard to jump into the middle of someone else's story... And feel like you belong in their pages.

Life is sure more difficult when emotions are on your sleeves. You are happy one moment, surrounded by a few family members, sitting in a cozy warm spot- laughing about silly things discussed over dinner .... But missing everything else your life  once was at the same time- and sitting  in a puddle of tears the next moment.

There are lots of things to think about lately.

For now though, I will just listen to the wind- and watch those beautiful shimmering lights glow in the distance.

2 months

We have now been in Idaho for 2 months.

All but 6 boxes are unpacked (you know, those pesky "what the heck do we do with those" boxes)

I have had a harder time with this move than I thought I would. I really thought that it would be so seamless. I thought it would be a lot of family, some super fun church friends, and happiness all around.

Instead I see all the family probably once in a blue moon- if that, I haven't found a good friend in church yet- there are a few friendly girls that I really like, but we have yet to "hang out", and I have just been swamped in depression.

I don't know if people in our ward assume that because we "live with family" we are super busy doing family activities non stop, so they feel like they would intrude on our family time if they call and hang out or something.

We have also had a few issues of unfriendliness and alienation at church. For example: I was out in the hall with one of the boys at church, and I was refused sacrament. OR- we have introduced ourselves to people and they will quickly turn around and pretend we don't really exist. It's also a ward that has their own traditions that are hard to get into (can we say- at Fast and Testimony meeting the first 30 minutes is nothing but children giving their 5 second testimonies.... which Pro: these children are awesome in wanting to share their testimonies. Con: Nobody else can bear their testimony. The primary needs to allow some time for children testimony meeting. For reals.)

But after voicing some of my concerns to a friend she told a few others and they threw a birthday party for me, which was really sweet.

I just need to find my place here.

Those of you who know me, know I really enjoy getting out and doing- and most every day here, I am in the house- with the boys.

One thing I really have enjoyed doing here is working at the quilt store every Tuesday. It is my time to talk to people. It is my reprieve from everyday life. My friend Heather watches the boys for me- we trade babysitting. I love her kids- and all of the kiddos play so well together!  Anyway, back to the quilt store- part of my job is doing projects. Who doesn't love doing projects?

I have been thinking I need to get back into blogging and get out of my depressing head. I've been toying with the idea of doing some sort of big project- either like a Julie and Julia type of thing with my big amazing Baking Book, or a cupcake book or something- however the altitude is so high here, I have no idea how to bake properly. Maybe that could be the mission- to master edible food, or taking on a big quilting project like a Farmer's Wife Quilt,  or who knows... maybe I'll start collecting pine cones and making a village- decorating the pine cones like people and things... and then doing plays or perhaps You-tube videos out of them. Just joking about the pine cones. Or am I?

Anyway, so back to life: Chip got called to Ward Executive Secretary, and I got called as the 4th Activity Days Leader. Alli is settled into 6th grade and making a few friends. Maggie is settled into 3rd grade and making friends. Miles and Dexter are dirty and tuckered out at the end of every day. Boys need mountains, I'm sure.

 Miles and Sprinkles the Horse

 Deer in the backyard

 The boys have gotten to be "friends" with the cat- Romeo. He is such a pretty cat.... although he needs more happiness in his brain too. My parents  got Romeo when I was in 11th grade in High School.

 Last week we got Sunny the Dwarf Hamster. He is a fuzzy little guy who loves going on adventures outside of his cage... by himself... outside of a little ball of safety.

 We have found one of Romeo's weaknesses- Sunny. For some reason the cat is afraid of the hamster. Go figure. (this was a picture of Romeo running away)

We had some fun news- October 11th- we got a new nephew!! Baby Patrick Lovin was born to Jeff and Zaikea down in Salt Lake City. Nunnums came to be with them- and then she surprised us this week by driving up from SLC to visit us! It has been great! When does the opportunity to have both sets of grandparents be with you happen?? (well... when I had the boys was the last time)

My brother, Scott also drove here last week to go hunting (the count so far is 1 doe, 2 bucks... who knows what will happen this week?)- and brought my sweet little nephew, Ian with him. Ohh he is such a good little boy, and we love playing with him. He has been such a delight to have with us. I will be sad when he has to go.





Anyway, Who knows what the future has in store. I am  hoping this slump I am in will be over soon enough- and I can enjoy the things around us.

I hope to be blogging again soon. Please bear with me if my sadness gets in the way and I have some depressing posts.... hopefully not too many though. 

Here's to the journey of finding myself again.

Idaho version.

The Latest

well... I'll do a quick catch up.

let's see we've had:
Chip's birthday
Easter
Girls finished school- Alli finished 5th grade, Maggie finished 2nd grade
Maggie turned 8
Maggie got baptized
Miles and Dexter turned 4 (What the crap?! Where did my babies go?)
Birthday parties happened.
Alli went to Virginia (5 1/2 weeks and counting)
Maggie went to Pennsylvania by herself
Chip and I, along with the boys, joined her for a week....
And then we left all 3 of the smaller kids with Nunnums for a week- while Chip and I came home and spent time ALONE. (What the?!?).... to.....

PACK!
Yep, we are packing up to move to the great giant state of Idaho-  we'll be headed out of here in a few more weeks.....

to Grangeville, to be exact..... Which is 200 miles north of Boise, and 175 miles south of Spokane, Washington.... and the nearest McDonalds is 75 miles away. ..... but worth it for the view off of our new front porch and being with our dear family....

... and the "worst" part of it all will be that I *big dramatic sigh with my right hand resting on my forehead* will just have to work at my mom's quilt store.... 

We will be pulling into town the day before school starts for the girls. This outta' be super fun- ya know, new school, anxieties, and a 3 hour time zone change. We do love our adventures.

I got into Young Living Oils-

They are pretty much the greatest things ever. Like... ever. Move over medicine cabinet!

And I started selling purses on my FB page called Up In Stitches

 

(I can also do custom work too- just let me know- and visit my page to see all the different styles)


I think I've also 'watched' 30 Rock on Netflix all the way through like 2.5 times while I'm packing or sewing.... and I am on my 2nd round of Call the Midwife.  I need little distractions.

I've gone through about 1 book on CD a week since the beginning of the year.

And I currently have more boxes than floor space- and more crap than I have boxes. Who knew we packed this much stuff into less than 1000 sq feet?

I hope once the crazy has died down I will be able to get back to blogging. I miss it.

Mixed Blessing.

 I will be the first to admit that Heavenly Father has an enormous sense of humor.

He gave me twin boys.

I'm pretty sure He did this because He needed more entertainment in His existence.

These boys.... ohh what can I say about these boys?  They are adorable, witty, clever, sassy, stubborn, messy, loud, snuggly, sweet, unyielding, suspicious, firm. (plus a lot more things)



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When sweet Alli came along I had no clue...... NO clue about parenting.  I had these notions in my head that the way to raise up a proper child was to tell the child what to do- and they did it. They never questioned, they just sweetly obeyed.  It was no different than training a dog, for example. You want it to stop barking, you teach it... and it stops barking. The end.  

Alli followed all of the rules. 

We never had an obedience problem with her. 

People would talk about how "hard" it was to be a parent, and how their kids were out of control- and with my smug little face I was just thought "It's your own dumb fault, because you obviously have no idea how to train children."

(If you are one of these people like I was, I will just warn you.... this attitude please change it before it gets too late.....maybe view my story as a cautionary tale.)

Then Maggie came along.  Sweet, adorable, redheaded Maggie.  She was stubborn from the get go.  She was always on her own schedule- she flat out refused to do anything other than nurse for the first 18 months of her life.... and she refused to fall asleep without nursing... which basically meant she comfort nursed ALL THE FLIPPIN time... like... every 45 minutes or so- 24 hours a day. for a year and a half I got 45 minutes of sleep at a time.

It was all a very fuzzy memory time in my life.

Even as a toddler, she had her own agenda. She would have to do everything HER way. Nothing was ever my way. There was no forcing this child to match her clothing, staying clean, or hold still. I swear, the only thing that kept her alive was her amazing snuggles (ohh, how she loved to snuggle), and her cheeky little grin.

I still thought I knew stuff about parenting. I still thought parents of kids who were out of control needed to learn to teach their children.  I still hadn't gotten the 'smug' beat out of me yet....



And then the boys came along.  Little did I know that Maggie and her little personality had just been preparing me for their arrival.

From the first moments on earth, they were in charge.

Miles is SO STUBBORN. This child REFUSES to do anything you tell him to do, simply because you said to do it.  He will N-O-T apologize if he hurts someone, he will do this ' I am Jello, you cannot nail me to the wall' thing.  It is so frustrating!... and it is even more frustrating when these two little stubborn boys become stubborn and have their own ideas that mix about as well as oil and water- at the same time.  I NEVER feel in control.  Being with them has officially wiped the smug parent off of my face. 

It's like the every single one of the parenting techniques I used in the past blew up in my face-

There has been so many frustrating moments- SO MANY........ TIMES 2.

So many days I just stand at the sink, because the only thing productive I can do that I can also cry and not have anyone look at my face is doing dishes.  I just can't win. I feel so low parenting these boys some days... not because they are bad kids (They are very good little boys- they keep me entertained about 65% of the time, they just have a lot of "creativity" and "independence") , it's because I am just not controlling them. There is nothing in the world I could bribe them with to bend them to my will. They don't respond to talking, to reason, to time outs, to spanks, to taking toys away, to taking treats away, to well..... anything. I have yet, in their 3.8 years on this earth, to find their "currency" (as Dr. Phil used to say).

It is at those lowest of low moments I hear the gentle whispers. I hear the Spirit whisper to me that this strong willed- never to be bent no matter what- attitude of theirs is a blessing. It isn't a curse.

This strong determination and refusal at all costs to be swayed will help protect them from the evils of the world. They will not be bent by social pressures. They will not be talked into something (well, unless it is their twin brother urging them to throw crushed up cereal in the air because it's funny) that they don't want to do. They have a set upon course of action and they always stay the course. 

I just need to try to provide a small amount of direction in the wind of their sails. That is all I can do, I help remind them of things they should be doing.... and eventually it will be come the things that they WANT to do.. and all will be well.

but until that day comes, these sweet little boys need some power naps. How else are they supposed to get the ideas for their next clever little project.

Alli Turns 11

 Way back in December, Alli had the nerve to turn 11.

RIGHT?! When did I give her permission to stop being my baby and start turning into this beautiful young woman?


Alli really is a good kid. She has her moments of the whole 'I'm 11 years old and sharing a bedroom with all of my siblings' and 'I need my space/privacy' moments of frustration- but she deals with them pretty well.  Over all she is a pretty darn good kid.  She's amazing in school and in honors classes. She does violin AND flute lessons, and does quite well at them- she will just come pick up a sing book that I have laying around and start playing whatever song she wants to. She loves learning and is always going to the library to pick up random books to write reports on. Our latest report was about Jupiter. No subject is off limits. Sharks was before that.....

She is obsessed with MineCraft the game. She really wanted a Minecraft ice cream cake. The best I could do was let her draw a creeper on the cake with glitter gel. I bought her a cake from Cold Stone- now don't get me wrong- I LOVE Cold Stone- but I HATED the cake! It had ice crystals throughout and was soooo not worth the money.  At least Alli loved it.

 Alli also requested Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza. It's a favorite around our house.
(Directions:  Pizza Sauce - 1 Cup grated Parmesan cheese, 1 cup ranch dressing, 2 tablespoons minced garlic. Spread on pizza crust. Toppings: Cheese, diced fresh tomatoes, diced green onion, diced chicken, and bacon crumbles- with freshly grated Parmesan cheese sprinkled lightly on top. Bake 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes.)

 Alli got lots of fun presents this year.  She's in an odd stage of gifting that she doesn't really want toys- she's picky about clothing- she wants expensive things... like an xbox, or just money. She says she is saving her $ to buy a house when she's a grown up. She is a pretty good saver. She also has a non-convient birthday - right in the middle of Christmas break- so most of her friends were out of town..... so no friends to attend a party.

She really wants a rollerskating friend party- which I told her we could do.... and yet here it is, March 4th and we have yet to have an open weekend to do it. 

I really need to put a therapy fund together for her.

Our Ohio surrogate grandma, Susan came and had dinner and ice cream cake with us- She also took Alli to a nice birthday lunch (and bought her bras.... yeah, we're at THAT stage.)  It was fun to share Alli's special day.


We are pretty lucky to have this kid.

Love you, Alli. Happy Birthday.

P.s. No getting any older. I can't deal with the fact that you'll be in Young Women's this year, going to Middle School next year, and then turning into a teenager. This is all too weird.

Life goes on

So I got the news that I have been waiting for all week- I did not get the design team position for that scrap booking company. I have mixed feelings about this: 

Negative: it brings some very strong rejection feelings, and right now it is a bit more tender.... 

Positive: I think The Lord knew that my plate was already too full, and this could have been more of a burden then a fun thing.  Who knows. I still love their products and there is always next year. 

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On another story, this past week hasn't been the greatest. I am hoping the final product will not be a loss of a 10 year friendship, consequences for our actions are hard to own up to..... Especially when you can't even admit it after stacks of proof are presented.... But that doesn't change the love I feel for that person. She is like a sister, and one of my confidants. There are few people who I feel like I can really open up to- and if you are one of them, feel lucky. :)  my heart is just sad right now. There have been many times this week when I have reached to the phone to talk with her, and then remember right now we just aren't there emotionally to pick up where it was left. 

Some day soon I hope it can go back to that. I miss her.

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The past few days the boys have been completely FINE during the day. Bouncing off the walls, being naughty, ya know... Just bring normal. Around 5 pm one or both of them suddenly develop this really high fever, and start crying and complaining of ear aches and deep coughing.  This lasts for 12 hours solid.... And then come 7am they are bouncing off the walls again, like they haven't just been awake all night crying and sweating. I don't get it.  The only thing I do know, is how tired I am after this no sleep thing.  I don't know how much longer my brain can function, and how much long my stomach can function with the massive amounts of Diet Dr. pepper I am drinking in order to stay awake. 

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As far as dieting goes, I have still been tracking my food intake. I am on day 47. While I feel that this is a good thing, and is positive for me...... I haven't lost anything since Feb 9th.... 12 days. It is frustrating! I am feeling discouraged. 

I know there are things I can do to help move it along- 1) more water. I have been drinking more soda as I have slept less.... Which leaves no room for water.  2) MOVE my body more. I bought new exercise DVD's, weights, and new yoga pants... Now I just need a new sports bra. (Dumb boobs), but I am so tired I can't even fake wanting to exercise right now.. .. Even though I know it will give me energy. The irony doesn't escape me. 3) I could choose healthier calories. For example- this morning for breakfast I wanted comfort food. Instead of choosing oatmeal or something satisfying and healthier- I picked nachos. I stayed within my calorie range... But still... Nachos for breakfast.   

I will continue to track. I will continue to try. I will continue to hopefully do better one day at a time...... 

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Until next time.... 

Christmas 2013

This year for Christmas we just stayed home together to celebrate.

We did our yearly tradition of taking pictures on Christmas Eve with new PJ's.  Seriously- these weren't even the 'goofy pictures'. I swear, every year the kids get goofier and goofier.  I love how silly they are.

 This was the "best" picture I got. Out of 114 pictures- this was it. Maggie cross eyed, Miles doing, who knows what, Dexter being a cheeseball, and Alli actually looking at the camera.

This is why I don't pay for professional photos, people.

 After the munchkins went to sleep "Santa" filled their stockings and left them arranged out the couch....

 And the kids woke up to lots of fun presents!

 Chip's family has a tradition that it goes youngest to oldest to walk down the stairs to see what Santa left. Alli tried really hard this year to be overly happy- but  this year was the sad year that she learned  Santa and the Tooth Fairy don't exist. It was CRUSHING to her. She bawled and bawled. 

Obviously, Maggie did not get any such bubble bursting news.

 See... totally fake smile.

 The kids ripped into their stockings like nothing else. It was fun to see them devour them.

After stockings we always eat warm, gooey cinnamon rolls- and then get into opening presents.

Seriously, we have the best family ever! The gifts were perfect and thoughtful. We loved them all.

 Alli  is obsessed with MineCraft ever since this summer when Rylan got her hooked on it. (Remember she was Herobrine for Halloween?)
She was thrilled to discover a shirt with her favorite thing ever on it.

 Every year Chip's side of the family does gift exchanges- but it is from one sibling family unit to another sibling family unit- AND it had to cost less than $5.  Tough! We gave Jeff and Zaikea like a dozen premade brownie mixes and Annalita a cute taggie blanket.  Sarah and Brian made us this awesome book of Where the Wild Things Are... only they used OUR pictures for the book.  Hilarious!!

 The boys loved how many superhero outfits they got.  They are in heaven!

Finally our family tradition is on New Year's Eve, you put your shoe out by the front door and when Santa flies home from his Christmas deliveries, he drops the "crumbs" of his sleigh into your shoe- just little trinket things.  Can you guess who's shoe is who's.  I'll give you a hint; It goes youngest to oldest. 


Merry belated Christmas everyone!

Forever

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my dad-in-law, Patsy.  It has been a sad year without him, although we have felt his presence strongly- ever watching over us, just being the great dad he is.  

The kids still talk about Patsy so often, and I think how interesting it is, that the boys were only 2 1/2 when he passed, yet he is ever present in their minds. Dexter is THRILLED beyond believe that his middle name is Patrick, just like his Patsy. (just like Miles loves having his Opa's name as his middle name)- I loved that just today in the car the boys were talking back and forth about how great their namesakes are.- Seriously, I didn't even prompt them. They just started it and kept going for about 10 solid minutes (a long time for 3 year old boys to stay on a subject).

While we miss him dearly, I mean, you always wish your loved ones didn't have to leave this earth life- especially when you have such a long time to be apart, I am so, so eternally thankful that I know that because my Mom and Dad in law got married in the Holy Temple- their marriage is eternal. Our family is forever sealed together. 


From Mormon.org:
One of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ core beliefs is that family relationships can last forever—not just for this life.
Just as some of life’s sweetest joys can come through family associations, the loss of a beloved family member can be a source of our deepest sorrows.
But death does not need to be the end of our relationships with cherished loved ones. The Lord revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith that the “same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there [in eternity], only it will be coupled with eternal glory” (Doctrine and Covenants 130:2).
Family members who accept the Atonement of Jesus Christ and follow His example can be together forever through sacred ordinances performed in God’s holy temples. Jesus gave to Peter the power to have things sealed on earth and sealed in heaven (Matthew 16:19). This same sealing power was restored to Joseph Smith. Mormon’s believe that they can be “sealed” or bound together through His power enabling them to live together in eternity.

Patsy- I sure love you. I miss you.

Until we meet again.  xoxo


(This picture is a bit dated- I mean, Maggie is like 18 months old.....  but you can still see what a charming family we are, even if we are missing some key amazing people- Sarah, Zaikea, Annalita, Miles and Dexter)

New day

Thanks for letting me vent the other day. Your kind words helped.

While I am now 100% sure that I know exactly what happened to our AAA membership, I have friends with connections- there's still a slight hick-up that I'm waiting to be worked out. Unfortunately, either way you slice this one, nobody is a winner. Feelings will get hurt.

But in the meantime I was able to breath, rework my submission  for the contest I want to enter- and hopefully once Chip fixes the computer I will be able to submit the work.

But here is what I am submitting:

I needed 2 layouts, 2 cards and/or 1 project- all using Jillibean products. 

(I adore their stuff, and in fact had a bunch in my stash all ready..) 

Crossing fingers I can be charming enough on my essay now.

Well, I need to bounce off of here and get the girls to their Saturday ceramics class and run to the computer store to get parts to fix this computer :)

Frustrated to tears

I am not writing this to get any sort of response, I am writing this, because if I can't get it off of my chest, I am going to have a nervous breakdown.

yesterday sucked.  I spent all night crying, and this morning I just feel utterly drained.

the kids had the day off from school... Which last week they had 3 days off due to snow....yesterday was a teacher's in service day. They will also have no school on Monday due to president's day. We are all at each other's throats.

I had choir yesterday,  it has been canceled for the past 2 weeks, due to the snow. I couldn't miss choir   Because  the girls didn't have school. Alli stayed home- as she didn't want to be stuck I the nursery. I don't blame her one bit. I gave her a list of tasks to complete before I got home.

this is where it started getting rough. After choir we always go to Chick-fil-A (or at least a good majority of the time). It's practically next door to the church we practice at. They boys love it. I used to love it.  It used to be so super fun to go and hang out with my adult choir friends while the kids played..... Until two of the women (we'll call them A & B) decided to pair off and be utter jerks to the rest of us. Woman A used to be my friend, or so I thought. We end up in the same circles a lot. Woman B unfortunately never grew out of high school mentality. I don't know why B is so desired as a friend, but she tends to be a user, childish, and selfish. From throwing fits in public because she didn't get her way, to handing me her baby so she and woman A could go discuss their plans to go hang out later. Anyway, A & B used to have decency to at least make a show by sitting by me, so I didn't look alone.... Only feel alone. But yesterday A & B blatantly sat across the restaurant from me and then B came over snidely and said "ohh, I didn't know where you were, A was in charge of our seating today".  Jerks.

luckily I had made arrangements to meet a friend who has two daughter's Maggie's age- and I got to have a wonderful time with her, despite A & B's teenage behavior.

I Just don't understand why people think it's cool, fun, or acceptable to act like that. We are in our 30's for Pete's sake!  I know it has nothing to do with ME, they are just like that.... But it still hurts. I get hurt very easily when I am left out, it brings back so many insecurities from my childhood.

When I got home I discovered that Alli not only didn't complete any of the tasks she needed to do, but she ate 1/2 a bag of chocolate chips and tried to hide the evidence.

We went to Target to get Valentine's for tomorrow and all four of huge kids were in fine form.... Like running away, screaming, etc.... I wanted to crawl in a hole.

then I discovered that these projects I have been working on for my submission to the scrap booking company were completely crumpled and crushed because Alli, not respecting the rules, decided to shove her violin were they were laying to dry. I have told her 100X not to put that violin in that place... And yet- she did it anyway. It is hours worth of work ruined , and to be honest, I just don't have it in me emotionally to try again. Why should I ever try to follow my dreams or better myself when the fates are against me.

Then  I remembered I needed to bring dinner over to a family- and it all needed to be there in 45 minutes.

Then Miles spray painted my bathroom black. Sink. Toilet. Walls. Floor.  I had spray painted Alli's valentine's box for school, came inside to the bathroom to wash my hands, set the can of spray paint on the bathroom sink- away from the edge , shut the bathroom door, went outside to see how the box was drying... And in the one minute I was outside, Miles opened the bathroom door, grabbed the  spray paint, took the lid off and went to town.

Then while Chip was at Young Men's  he locked his keys in the car. First time in his life.  The young men were meeting 20 or so minutes away near downtown Columbus,.  Chip decided to call AAA to see if they could come unlock the car. No biggie, right? Until 45 minutes later, after talking to the supervisor, he was told that July 5 someone called and canceled our membership and received a $188.43 refund on their MasterCard. ...... It wasn't us getting the money back.  So save money on the membership we went in with friends of ours.... Our friends say it wasn't them that canceled the membership, in fact the friend said she got help from AAA last week to unlock her car.  So now it's a case of 1) did a friend just flat out lie to me and betray my trust.... And if they did, THEN what?  2) AAA is whack and an unreliable company. 3) someone out there got ahold of my AAA number and is playing with my money.


I am just so frustrated. I just want to cry. I am crying.

I think Chip knows I am at my limit... He tip toed downstairs and handed me a piece of paper saying "I just made you a 7:30 appointment to go to the temple" and then tip toed back upstairs.

Titanic Time

 In December Alli's bestie turned the big 1-1!! She really wanted to go to the Titanic exhibit at Cleveland's Great Lakes Science Center, and asked if Alli could come do it with her!

One Saturday, Alli, Maggie,  and I drove on up to Cleveland - while the boys all stayed home together.  Maggie got to stay and play with her best friend, Geneva  while Alli, Zoe, Michelle and I took off to Cleveland. (Michelle's family lives like 40 minutes away from the science center).

I have always been fascinated by Titanic's story.  So tragic. So many lives that were unnecessarily lost to the sea.

 Alli and Zoe sporting their tickets.

I wasn't allowed to take pictures within the actual exhibit.  Side story that makes me uber grumpy- So I knew I couldn't take pictures, and I had lost my camera lens cap somewhere at Chip's parent's house last year- and I had asked both the people at the ticket booth where we got our tickets, and the people who checked us into the exhibit  if I needed to put my camera into a storage unit or if they wanted to put it behind a counter or whatnot, because I didn't have my camera bag or lens cap. They all said (4 people) that as long as I promised not to take pictures it would be okay.  I swore on my children I wouldn't take a picture.

Not 10 steps into the exhibit a grubby security guard with a Napoleon complex came up to me and demanded that I give him my camera that was around my neck. I told him what I was told- that I could keep is as long as I didn't take pictures. So he then takes his greasy fingers covered with heaven knows what (probably potato chip grease) and rubs them all over my expensive camera lens and was like "This doesn't have a lens cap on it. I need to confiscate it". - and no matter what I said (that I was given permission and I don't own a lens cap)  or did (even turning the camera backwards so the lens was facing my shirt) , he took my camera. What an absolute jerk face.  And then he proceeded to walk all cocky like away- and then stalked us through the entire exhibit with a smug look on his face.

Yes. We totally reported him. It seriously put a huge damper on the celebration spirit we were having. I hate stupid people with no power having this attitude/behavior. It makes me want to punch them in the face. In my mind I'm a pretty violent person towards stupid people.



So after going through the exhibit (Which was SO SUPER COOL!), getting my grease covered camera back, and cleaning my camera- we were able to look at the museum.

 Zoe building something fun....

 Alli getting electrocuted, and liking it. (p.s. I want one of these.)

 Alli and I in a circus mirror. I think this one was supposed to make us look weird. Mission accomplished.

 Making giant bubbles.

 Michelle and Zoe.

 Sweet best friends. I love that they are only 11 days apart.
 It reminds me of my childhood best friend, and we were 24 days apart.

 The science center is located right on Lake Erie- and sandwiched between the Brown's stadium and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

We went into the Rock n' Roll hall of fame, only to discover it was an arm and a leg- and most likely everything would be above the girls' heads.... so we left after that to get some delicious Olive Garden lunch.

There was one little ice patch in the middle of Lake Erie and all of  the seagulls were standing on it. Pretty cute.

It was a great day. We had so much fun. I love bonding time with friends and Alli. :)